A Farewell Letter For An Old Friend

This photo was taken when I traveled to the Eastern Turkey.

It has been a while since I wrote my last post. In the past few weeks, I was not that active in writing, or I was not interested on many things. A month ago, I lost one of my best friends. I never imagined that loosing her affected my soul that much. After seeing many of her photographs with me, I barely hold my tears. I kept dreaming about her, but I still could not even write anything about my feeling till today. My journal book was empty, as nothing particular happened.

I had known my friend, Sari, like twelve years ago. It seems that it was not a very long time, particularly if I compared my relationship with other best friends that already reached more than two decades. But, Sari had particular space in my heart. She was not just a friend, but also colleague, flatmate, and travel mate. We met at one organization, worked together in different departments, and spent three amazing years together. Later on, Sari was accepted for another job in DR Congo (DRC). Then, a month later, I was accepted, to work at the same work place too.

Being alone in foreign country made our relationship even closer. We rent a house together, shared many good and bad moments together, cried and cursed evils from the office, and supported each other. There was a time when she felt like DRC did not give anything she wished, she decided to return to our home country. Due to our bustles, we did not communicate very often. Moreover, she was not the type of person who loved to type a very long text. However, anytime I came home and she was in town too (we came from the same home town, Medan, but later she worked in another province in Eastern part of Indonesia), we always managed to see each other, and shared stories as much as we could. Everything was still the same.

After my return from Turkey, I traveled to Bali. Sari contacted me and told me that she would love to meet me in Bali. But, when the time to meet was almost there, she called me to inform that she had another thing to do, and would reschedule our meeting. I did not know that it was the time that she entered the hospital in Jakarta, and things would never be the same again. Two months later, that terrible news came.She was diagnosed with deadly disease. She had cancer and it had reached the terminal stage. When I heard that terrible news, I did not what to do, and I did not know what to say. But still, I took my phone and dialed her number. I tried to make my voice as usual as possible. Nonetheless, five minutes later, I could not hold my tears when she started to cry and asked me to forgive her if she’ve ever offended me unintentionally. We cried together, and did not say anything but sobbed for another minutes.

Sari stayed in hospital for another three months. Due to many personal matters that were also occurred at the same time, I could not visit her in Jakarta. I kept communicate with her and a friend who lived in Jakarta to update me with her last condition. I kept praying to God to give me a chance to meet her. Sari finally left the hospital, and got back to work. Knowing that she returned to the office, I thought that her condition was getting better. But I was wrong. After working for two months, she asked her director to move her to Medan. I was so excited hearing this news. However, once she arrived in Medan, her condition dropped and she was admitted to hospital again.

I came to the hospital to see her. When she saw me, despite many tubes connected to her body, she gave me a very big smile. When I hold her, she kept saying, “Nurul, I miss you so much,” many times, and kissed my cheeks many times. I forced myself for not crying and tried to give her the best smile that I could give. It was the last time I saw her alive. Three days later, she was gone, for good.

Sari has gone. But her memories stays with me. I could not forget the days when we worked together, lived together, when she took care of me when I was sick, and those old days when we traveled together. I stood in her funeral, right in front of her grave, thought about those old days. Those days that will never return. Good bye, my friend. You are on your way. You are free now, and I hope you will rest in peace.



  1. Nurul, although it is very nice to see you are back to your blog, I truly feel very sorry for your loss. Losing a friend is a very difficult thing and something that you will always have in your heart and you will never forget her.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My deepest and sincerest condolences for your loss. You two had a relationship so precious that she took it with her and one that will live on forever in your heart. Take care of yourself and may 2020 bring you more love and happiness. MZ


  3. I am so sorry this happened. It is so hard to loose a friend. I had a friend who was a close friend for 40 years. We shared an apartment for about 6 years and then had our own places but were always good friends. She was diagnosed with cancer last spring and died in August. The difference for me between this loss and your loss is that she was older than me and I am 70 now. I have come to accept that we have lived full lives and that we are older. For you, a younger person, it is just not right that death should rob you of a friend. I know younger people die but it is always such a shock. May your friend now rest in peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Turut berduka Nurul. Ikut sedih bacanya, ikut nangis merasakan kehilangannya, memang tak mudah untuk melepas ya.. apalagi hubungannya begitu dekat. Semoga almarhumah husnul khotimah, diampuni segala khilafnya, diterima semua amal ibadahnya. Aamiin…

    Liked by 1 person

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